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| The bike beard! |
True to my word, I set aside today to go on a 21-mile ride that I had found on a Yorkshire Biking website. The route was on roads that I've driven before and I was familiar enough with the area that I didn't really need directions. The map and compass were in my head and I figured I could do the entire route in about 2.5 hours.
I know what you're thinking...he must have got himself lost! How else does he turn 21-miles into 26? Sorry to disappoint, but I didn't get lost. The extra 5-miles were entirely self-inflicted and a product of there being geocaches along the route...or not far off the route. (If you don't know what geocaching is, visit http://www.geocaching.com).
The entire ride took about 3.5 hours, but I did stray off course to look for 5 different geocaches. I only managed to find 3 of the 5 but 2 of them were ones I had not been able to find when I looked last summer. It was good to get those off my list.
Anyway, when I first looked at doing this route I wasn't too concerned about hills. After all, the cycling site said it was relatively flat. All I have to say about that is, "Relatively flat my ass!" I can't believe I forgot that I live in YORKSHIRE...nothing is relatively flat in YORKSHIRE. According to the software I used to map my ride, conveniently located at http://www,mapmyride.com, I only had an elevation change of 264 meters (that's 866 ft for you non-metric Americans). I guess that's significant, but it felt like much more. It's not that there were massively high climbs but there were a lot of steady, lengthy climbs.
I can remember about 5 of these climbs during the ride, but there were two in particular that really pissed me off. The two I'm referring to are the last two hills on the route and both are within a mile of home. Hill number one is one I've ridden before and it's between my village, Burton Leonard, and the next village up the road, Bishop Monkton. There's an easy way out to avoid the hill and come into Burton Leonard on a "relatively" flat and narrow road that comes into the village from the north, but there was NO WAY I was taking the easy way out. That hill was mocking me and calling me weak. I had no other choice than to climb the fucking hill! (Sorry for the language, but that's exactly what the hill is...a fucking hill!). I promptly shifted into the lowest gear possible and laughed all the way up. As I got to the peak, I held my right arm high and flipped that fucking hill the bird!
All the relief and joy I felt at that moment was very short lived. As I coasted down the hill with the pain pulsating in my knees, I made a quick turn into the road leading to "home, sweet home" when all of a sudden, I'm face-to-face with the brother of the aforementioned, "fucking hill", who will now be referred to as "fuck-you hill". Once again, I shifted into the lowest gear possible (hey...no need to be macho here and claim I stood up out of the seat and sprinted to the finish). I grunted and groaned to the top where I could see the final turn and what I can only believe is what they call Nirvana. No need to taunt the hill this time as I felt it would just be rubbing salt in the wound. I turned back and thanked FU Hill for the challenge and let him know that I'd be back for more!
In all truth, the hills probably weren't that bad, but in the 26th mile of a 26-mile ride, I just thought it was cruel and unusual punishment for what had been a pretty freakin' awesome ride. Acccording to my FitBit, I burned 1,700 calories. That's about what I average over 3 separate cardio workouts during the week.
All in all, just a normal Sunday for a fat guy trying to lose 100 lbs in one year. I probably over did it so if you see me at work tomorrow and I'm moving a bit slower, possibly with a limp, don't worry, I'll be okay!
P.S. - Even after 26-miles, my beard and mustache still look awesome!
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